“What’s Your Problem?“. . . . . .”You!”. . .
No, No not you the reader. God forbid, I’d do anything to offend YOU! No, this is just a little mental and internal dialogue I have in my head when someone asks that open-ended question that BEGS, and most certainly, DESERVES a reply. Instead I tend to walk away casually, looking peripherally for anything that might substitute as a suitable deadly weapon so that I might be able to illustrate my response in a more effective manner. Luckily, for the would-be antagonizers, I have yet to execute PLAN B, but I keep it on reserve, should the opportunity present itself. That is why we don’t even leave sporks lying around the house unattended. So what is it I am getting at today?(more internal dialogue) Funny you should ask! (more) Well, today I’d like to discuss something that seems to have wormed its way into the very fiber of my being. Something that, I guess you could say,”Rubs Me The Wrong Way“.
First of all, for the record, let me tell you that I HATE that phrase! What are we talking about exactly? Without being too gratuitous, tell me, how is it you would prefer to be rubbed? By “Wrong Way”, what is it that “they” are exactly implying? That there is a “Right” way? Is it like petting a dog the wrong way? Going against the grain, or What? This whole inner dialogue is rubbing me the wrong way. And who are “they“? Funny you should hypothetically ask . . .again. “They“ are who I have the problem with and “They“ are. . . People.
No, not ALL People! Sheesh, I would be a very lonely guy if I were to include all of humanity as the bane of my existence. No, I’ve taken the time to carefully categorize them and put them on little index cards that I keep in my little mental rolodex. There are specific types of people in this world ,and in yours, I’m sure (I don’t get out much), who so erode the entire premise of “The Golden Rule”, that I could just. . . . .
Stupid People: You’ve seen them and undoubtedly interacted with several of these throughout the course of your normal day. They can be found typically wandering around heavily crowded public places aimlessly, with vacant and vacuous looks in their eyes. For instance, they may be looking for Peanut Butter in the Produce Department at your local grocery store. They may cut in front of you at the checkout stand and ask for a price check on an item whose display in BOLD LETTERS states: “Coca Cola 12 packs $2.99 Limit 2 per customer” as they ask the clerk, still cutting in front of you -with 20 shopping carts filled to capacity with Pepsi products. “Are these part of the special?” A perfect example for your consideration in my eyes would be: Ashton Kutcher
Ignorant People: Now I’ve drawn a distinction here between Stupid and Ignorant People for a reason. You see, Stupid People, like it or not, most likely cannot help it. Ignorant People, have had every opportunity that the rest of us have to be a socially redeeming individual, but instead have decided to take the road less-traveled.(unfortunately, as of late, I’m afraid there have been a few traffic-jams en route) No, these menaces to society- have decided to abandon all “cooth” and forego any formal education that they have had and be complete and utter “TOOLS”. An easy way to spot one of these folks, where I currently reside, is to drive around town until you find someone with a pair of Rubber Testicles hanging from below their rear license plate on their jacked-up pick-up trucks. I don’t know when these took the place of those chrome-plated naked woman mudflaps, but can we go back to a simpler time? Please?! Try explaining those to a four-year-old! “NO honey those are. . .Oh, Look Chuck E. Cheese!”
A leading contender for your consideration: Matthew McConaughey (…just a guess)
Arrogant People: These folks are the “Know-it-Alls” of society. (Before you jump the gun, I only claim to Know it All-and have admitted, many times that this is a process) But these folks are generally wealthy and well-educated (another disqualifier for me) and have about 0 credentials in real life or practical experiences. They are typically a person that has had their lives handed to them and are very quick to dispense their brand of Wisdom on the rest of us as we duck for cover. You probably have an aunt or uncle that qualifies in this department. I know I do. Again, there are exceptions to the rule. However, the funny thing is when you do find a rare instance of a poor and uneducated Arrogant Person it is almost tragic. If you are a loved one of one of these stricken and afflicted souls, you need to have that person looked at by a professional. Perhaps you could refer them to one of my examples in this arena: Dr.’s Phil McGraw and Drew Pinsky (certifiable)
Happy People: I may be making a generalization or blanket statement here, but if I am, what are you going to do? Sue Me? But, it’s again been my experience that these people are typically wealthy or well-to-do. When I “did my time” in LA, I encountered hordes of these types of individuals. Granted, in LA and Hollywood a majority of these guys were probably on illicit pharmaceuticals which enhanced their “Positive Outlook”. Always, upbeat and “chipper” they are able to weather the storm in life come-what-may. They are lively and energetic and have the “World on a String”. Their prognosis on the world is simply,“When life Gives You Lemons. . .Make Lemonade“. Well life hasn’t exactly handed me a “bumper citrus crop”, so these guys can shove it! There is only one deserving nominee in this department for me: Tony Robbins (and that’s not because he “Tweeted” me).
Now I could go on and on. In fact I have and usually do. These are merely a handful of the types of People that get under my skin, are a thorn in my side or a pimple on the ass of my life…
I’ve got a couple mental rolodex filled, but I’m not going over the limit per customer, so I’m cool. I will “treat” you all to my dealings with any number of these crazy characters along my ROAD TO CELEBRITY. But right now, I have to talk to my neighbor about not working on his Camaro in the street at 3 in the morning. What’s a guy got to do to get a little piece and quiet around this dump?
Remember, I don’t want anyone inciting a traffic jam on the Internet Super Highway, but tell a friend about my block. (this blog-I’m such a stupid, ignorant, arrogant and unhappy person -sorry, I’m so inconsiderate -Hey, there’s another type!) Nah, do with your free time what you will, but keep reading. Start a Movement. . . .
Peace Out – Later
D A N